A Healthy Obsession with the Lord (A Life of Balance)

An Unhealthy Obsession

Jade, obsession has always been an issue with me. If I like (or dislike) something, it is always with a passion. In the past, I could not just like someone… I loved someone. And I don’t me passive love; I mean obsessive love. I have never done things half-heartedly when it comes to things I like. I give it my all, and it has been a problem. I have had to learn to temper my passions when it came to temporal things, because it has always led to disappointment. Whether it’s people (relationships), sports, politics, or religion… my passion for any of them has led to sorrow in one way or another. That’s life, but that can lead to an emotional rollercoaster that is just not healthy.

I have known about this aspect of my character for a while. This has plagued me since I was little. I knew what it was called; I knew that it was unhealthy. Yet it wasn’t until a few years ago that I started to deal with this issue, when I hit rock bottom. A healthy life is about balance. For example, you may love your family member, but if they are grown and doing things that are not good for them, you cannot continually try to save them from their own mistakes and the consequences of their actions. That is often when the problem when parents try to “save” their grown child: it usually leads to enabling them until the parents get tired, and the child crashes and has to finally admit they need help (or die). And that is a hard tightrope to navigate: to be there when they fall but not enable them by catering to their every whim.

That was me (the grown child). I had to go to my mother after a disastrous season in my life and tell her that I needed help, because my life and mind was out of balance. But before that, I had to ask God to order my steps. I had been down disastrous roads many times, usually for the same reason as previously. Bad decisions mixed with mental health issues (or because of them) were a cocktail for disaster. And eight years ago, I finally said, “I need help” to my mom. Now, in my defense, I will say that I had always been trying to get help… but the difference is that I became super vulnerable and leaned on God and others to help me instead on leaning on my own strength to maintain appearances, because this time I was at the end of my rope. In that moment, I blamed myself for everything; I didn’t even blame God. I didn’t blame the people who had abandoned me and left me (and my mom) holding the bag. I just swallowed it all, humiliated and ashamed (and that was a result of my imbalance as well). But I didn’t feel alone; I knew there was a God, and that was my saving grace. And my mom was there, even if she didn’t understand what had happened and she really didn’t want to be there.

But what does all this have to do with obsession? Obsession is an unhealthy focus on one person, place, or thing for your entire wellbeing. Learning God’s character has taught me that God is a God of balance. I wrote a poem nearly 20 years (unrelated to the situation above, but in the same vein) that highlights being obsessed with a relationship with a person:

Obsession

My head is swamped, my mind is swimming

I can’t think straight, the world stopped spinning

The heavens are closed, I can’t see anymore

Everything is dark, someone has closed the door

And turned off the lights, so confusion could overtake me

Like in the middle of the night, I desperately want to see

What it is I need to do, I need the desires of my heart

But they are so far out of reach, like being two worlds apart

The help has been hidden, what else is there to do

But to wish for things forbidden, yet my soul knows what is true

I don’t want what is forbidden, but patience torments my soul

Waiting for what seems impossible, my heart one person stole

And I can’t seem to get it back, so sad it is I feel

And this feeling won’t go away, the anguish is just too real

So I hide behind my façade, hoping that it will not seem

That my faith is just a mirage, only manifesting in dreams.

No one person—past, present, or future—should have that much power over your life. And obsession is not just only towards people. It is towards ideas, seasons of life, trains of thought, etc. But for me it was always people. When you start putting the idea of someone over loving yourself and God, you have gone too far with that “love.” Us as females go through relationships with feelings like this all the time, and it’s time to redirect that energy. Today I cannot imagine feeling that level of anguish over someone, but back then, obsession consumed me. And whether you realize it or not, obsession consumes a lot of people.

Turn That (Unhealthy) Obsession Towards Him (Healthily)

God has trained me to turn that longing… that anguish… towards Him, because that is how He yearns for us (for God is love). And with it He will teach you about his character, which is about harmony and balance. Do you believe it?

The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.” Jeremiah 31:4

God chooses who He will love and draws us towards Himself. He chooses us. Think about that… how does it feel to be chosen by the Most High? No person on Earth who chooses us will ever compare to being chosen by Him. Once you know that you have been chosen by the Lord, you cannot unknow it. And that is where I am today. Once you know that your Father longs for you, you can’t help but want to feel the same way about Him:

As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? Psalms 42:1-2

We were made to love deeply and fully, just not unhealthily. True love is about balance. The devil can take what was meant for good and twist it into something demented and evil, strewn unhealthily in one direction (even love). But just imagine if, like the psalmist, you turn that longing for temporal things into a longing for God? What could that possibly do to your life? For it states in Psalms 37:4:

Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.

What happens when that desire—i.e. relationships, money, marriage, fame, material things—turns into God instead? Your steps are “ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way” (Psalms 37:23). It “delights” God when you desire Him instead of temporal things. Is it okay to obsess over our Father? I would say it is… in a healthy way. The key to life is balance, and God teaches us that with His word and His character.

Balance in the Body, Mind, and Spirit

Body

An example God gives us about balance is how we care for our bodies. He first teaches us about work versus rest. Some people work every day until the day they die. But even God rested on the seventh day (Genesis 2:3). God also instructed the Israelites to rest on the seventh day, whether it was plowing time or harvest (Exodus 34:21).

We have to balance everything in life… whether it is food, love, work, or even spirituality. Too much or too little of anything can lead to a bad thing. Our physical bodies are example of what good balance is when it’s healthy (i.e. homeostasis). God gave us examples of what healthy looks like, even in the bible. Just look in the book of Daniel:

¹¹ Daniel then said to the guard whom the chief official had appointed over Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah, ¹² “Please test your servants for ten days: Give us nothing but vegetables to eat and water to drink. ¹³ Then compare our appearance with that of the young men who eat the royal food, and treat your servants in accordance with what you see.” ¹⁴ So he agreed to this and tested them for ten days.¹⁵ At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food. ¹⁶ So the guard took away their choice food and the wine they were to drink and gave them vegetables instead. Daniel 1:11-16

It is an amazing passage to find in the bible, as God and trained his servants in the way of eating healthy. That may not sound spiritual, but it all ties together in being healthily obsessed with God. I admit I’m not quite there in that aspect of God. I do have to get better.

Mind

God cares about our minds as well, and the thoughts that run through them. Our minds must be balanced as well. We cannot be overpowered by fear or worry, which leads to a bunch of mental issues. When we focus on our Creator, we learn about what He has given us:

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

The definition for a sound mind in Dictionary.com is “having the mental capacity for clear, rational thought, good judgment, and stable decision-making, free from mental impairment.” Isn’t that what we all want? In His word God teaches us about how to go about achieving that. We are to take every evil thought captive:

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

You may think that making the decision in our minds to be “righteous” and follow the rules may be the key to having a good life, but even that can be taken too far. In Ecclesiastes 7:16-17, it states:

Do not be overly righteous, nor be overly wise: why should you destroy yourself? Do not be overly wicked, nor be foolish: why should you die before your time?

I pondered the line, “why should you destroy yourself?” for a while. How does being too righteous or too wise lead to destruction? The answer is extremism, which leads to destruction. In a world where many people fall into the category of being extreme without even realizing it, even too much of what seems to be a good thing can cause harm. For example, you need water to live, and without it you will die. But people drown in too much water (i.e. floods).

Years ago, a new medication (now old) that I was taking at the time for my mental health had a tagline of “move on.” It insinuated that, somehow, taking the medication for whatever situation you were in at the time would allow you to move on with your life. Yeah, that didn’t happen at all until I got closer to the Lord. Moving on from a situation you obsessed about is important, and you can even know that. But putting that into practice is a whole different story. I say that to say this: you may use medication for your mental health, but God is the only way out from a troubled mind. Medication is a great tool to have in your toolbox, but only God can heal you of the trauma that caused your mind to become unbalanced. And unhealthy obsession can be the result of an imbalance. Turn that obsession towards Him.

Even the author of the book 3 John mentions the importance of balance:

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. 3 John 1:2

Spirit

We have discussed the mind and body, and because God is a spirit, we know He cares about us spiritually. He wants the whole person—mind, body, and spirit—to flourish. When Jesus instructed the disciples to go out and preach the gospel to the people, He told them this:

If the household is worthy, let your peace come upon it. But if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you. And whosoever will not receive you nor hear your words, when you depart from that heart or city, shake off the dust from your feet. Matthew 10:13-14

How does that relate to being healthy spiritually? Jesus is instructing us to use peace in our spirit as a barometer in any relationship we have with anyone. If we do not have peace with a situation, we are to leave and “shake off the dust from your feet.” That means moving on from that situation and regaining our peace with the Lord. Whatever situation or person I was talking about in that poem above was leading to a lack of peace in my spirit, which should have told me it was time to let it (them) go. But you don’t know what you don’t know, and some strongholds are not removed without fasting and prayer (Mark 9:28-29). If you are confused about whether a person or situation is becoming too much for your mind to handle, use your peace in your spirit as a barometer.

Use can use another principle of Jesus to learn how to be healthy spiritually:

If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be case into hell. Matthew 5:29-30

What does that mean? This also has to do with being balanced spiritually. You cannot hold on to things that do not serve you spiritually. This ties to the scripture: “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (James 4:7). You have to make a decision to follow the principles of God, no matter how hard that may be. The author goes on to say, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded” (James 4:8). The hardest part is making the decision, but even God helps with that. It says that He will draw you to Him if you reach out to Him. If you make the decision to do what the Lord says, even if it doesn’t feel good or natural, your body and mind will eventually follow. Follow the spirit instead of following the flesh. Doing so will lead to true peace and harmony.

Achieving balance in your life can only come with studying God’s word and your experiences in life. It doesn’t come naturally due to our sinful nature, Jade. Some things you can learn, but others only come with walking and having life teach you about some things. In essence, you have to study yourself, which is what I continue to do with myself. And you can use the bible to study God’s character, but He will show up in Your life as well. You just have to know where to look.

Now I have a better understanding of what a healthy obsession with God is: it’s about continually learning the character of God and how He wants us to take care of ourselves. It’s about focusing on mind, body, and spirit, and balancing caring for all aspects of ourselves. God is the center of it all, and everything else branches from Him. I love you Jade, and God loves you as well.

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